For example, if you have the belief that investing doesn’t work, you’ll tend to notice when offers go wrong and ignore offers that go well. Over time, you’ll become absolutely convinced that you’re no good at making offers, so you don’t and since you don’t get any deals because you’re not making any offers, you can say, “see, I told you investing doesn’t work”

And yes, you get to be right.

By the same token, if you have the belief that making offers just takes practice and eventually you’ll get better, you’ll tend to notice when you do get better results and you’ll use that feedback to reproduce similar behavior to get the same results. Over time, any offers that don’t produce as you’d like will be seen as an opportunity to see where you need improvement.

So why do some people  cling to beliefs that make them miserable and drive them crazy? Because any belief – whatever it is – has an emotional payoff. In our investing example, the investor who views a “bad” economy as an excuse to fail can blame the economy, it let’s them off the hook – a big emotional payoff.

Similarly, the investor who sees a “bad” economy as an opportunity to change what they are doing won’t suffer from worrying about something that is beyond their control – another big emotional payoff.

You might think of emotions as the “glue” that keeps a belief intact and through reinforcement, makes it stronger. Emotions then, are a key part of the process of changing from an ineffective belief (one that creates investing failure) to an effective belief (one that creates investing success.)

Remember, there is no “right” or “wrong” , there’s only effective and ineffective. If you want to become more and effective and experience more success, change the emotions that you associate with a belief and the belief will change.

Wanna find out how this might apply to you? Set up a no obligation get to know you session and let’s talk! Click Here to get started.

It’s all a matter of perspective. Many people think that “when thus and so happens”, or “when I get this or that” then I’ll be happy. Think about it, if the only thing that will make you happy is something you don’t have, or to say it a better way, if YOU won’t ALLOW yourself to be happy until an exterior event occurs, then you’re giving away your power to create your life as you’d like it to be. A great thing about being human, is that when our life situation gets to a point where we’re not happy, it can become a catalyst for us to take action. (and for those that can’t or won’t take action, that’s where Strategists like me come into play!)

Living in the Southwest, one of the things my family and I pretty much take for granted is the amount of SPACE we have and the laid back tempo of life. During a recent stay in NYC, we had many opportunities to contrast what it’s like to live out west in Santa Fe, NM with living in a crowded urban setting and learned some valuable lessons on appreciating just what we have.

The first opportunity to appreciate what we have was the studio apartment the five of us crowded into for 29 days. To say it was not very big would be an understatement, this small space on the third floor of a walk-up building rents for two to three times what it go for back home. And  we thought Santa Fe was considered expensive. The closets were small, the kitchen was small, and compared to what we’re used to, this place was pretty cramped.

Another thing was grocery shopping. At home we jump in the van and head to a grocery store with acres of parking surrounding it. We wheel large carts through the store and fill them up. There, we bought a small wheeled cart to haul our groceries down the street and through the subways with just what we needed for the next few days. We had to learn which stores had what, and become very efficient with our time to plan the route we’d take as well as our purchases getting the most bang for the buck that we could carry in the cart or by hand.

Lastly, the third major thing we experienced was the extremely rapid rhythm or pace of life. Out here in the Southwest, we say we live in the land of mañana. Now being raised in the midwest I always thought that mañana meant tommorrow.  I’ve learned that mañana actually means sometime later, just not NOW. But I digress. Here things are pretty much laid back, time seems to be relative. In NYC, you’d better be about your business with a purpose. Walk with purpose. Get on the subway with purpose. Shop with purpose. And while you’re at it, you better learn to be efficient with your time and your resources or you’ll find yourself wondering “what in the world happened to them!”

When the trip was over and we were once again ensconced in our Santa Fe abode, it was interesting to learn how much we all appreciated what we have after being exposed to living a completely different life style. Oh sure, there are plenty of things we enjoyed about out adventure, as well as a few we didn’t.  As I said earlier, it’s all about perspective.

The experience has added an extra dimension of richness to our family that we wouldn’t trade for anything. Spending time together and especially the small apartment reminded of me of a verse in the song “Little Houses” by Doug Stone:

But you know, love grows best in little houses,
With fewer walls to separate,
Where you eat and sleep so close together.
You can’t help but communicate,
Oh, and if we had more room between us, think of all we’d miss.
Love grows best, in houses just like this

If for any reason there seems to be something blocking you and keeping you from enjoying your current life situation and you’d like to discuss your options for doing something about it, click here to register for a no obligation get to know you call with me, DougO

The opportunity presented early this year when my daughter Gabriella was invited by Jacque d’Amboise of National Dance Institute to come to New York City and study dance and musical theater during the summer on a scholarship. Jacque was visiting NDI Santa Fe and when he saw Gabby perform the part of Cassy in NDI’s production of “A Chorus Line” he had the staff there let us know he thought Gabby should come to New York to study.

Now for a young dancer and actress, having Jacque offer this privilege would be like having Yo-Yo Ma ask a young cellist to further their studies with him. Not only does this give their self esteem a boost, it opens doors they didn’t even know existed.  Gabriella was accepted into programs on his recommendation alone, (no audition) and was able to learn and grow along side some very talented peers, pushing her to excel at every opportunity. She got to take a class with a Radio City Rockette (something she aspires to) and see Radio City Music Hall up close and what it’s like to live the life of a professional dancer. She was able to see one of her idols Daniel Radcliffe perform in “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying” as well as Jacque’s daughter Charlotte d’Amboise perform as “Roxie” in “Chicago”. She got to go back stage  and experience what it’s like for the performers who make their living doing what she dreams of doing. How cool is THAT?

I believe that this all came about because long ago I dared to dream my own dreams and write those dreams down. I also believe those dreams were facilitated by something someone told me when my children were still toddlers. Doug, they said, your job as a parent is to create fantastic memories for your children. That really stuck with me. As a Clinical Hypnotherapist and Master Neuro Strategist all too often I see the results of adults who’s parents didn’t receive that advice. Adults who are held back today by shall we say, less than wonderful memories of the past. Adults that are afraid to dream becuase their dreams were crushed at an early age.

Listen, it’s never too late to start. Dare to dream. Write them down. Do whatever it takes to support the dreams of your spouse, your partner, your children and others.

Live your life as your dreams and pass it on! Remember: Ask, and it shall be given you. Seek, and you will find. Knock and the door shall be opened unto you.

However, there are little know provisions in the bill which would limit entrepreneurial real estate investors‘ very powerful resource in providing Seller Mortgages to residential consumers.

What does this mean? According to the Federal Reserve Website:

The revisions to the regulation, which implements the Truth in Lending Act (TILA), are being made pursuant to the Dodd-Frank Wall Street Reform and Consumer Protection Act. The proposal would apply to all consumer mortgages (except home equity lines of credit, timeshare plans, reverse mortgages, or temporary loans).

An industry source called The Paper Source has also diligently summarized the issue as follows:

“..The Dodd-Frank Act provisions call for prohibiting property sellers from taking back a mortgage unless the buyer essentially can qualify for conventional financing! What’s more, Ma and Pa Homeowner, who create 95% of seller-held mortgages, won’t be able to qualify buyers under the same underwriting standards that banks are required to perform, and therefore the cash flow notes won’t be created.

If this is enacted it also will remove access to housing for millions of Americans, because seller “financing” is the only way people who can’t qualify for conventional loans can buy a house. Moreover, it would allow a buyer a three year right of rescission (they can cancel the sale) if the seller did not properly qualify them. The right of rescission also applies to anyone who buys the note. We have precious little time to try to stop this.”

THIS IS YOUR OPPORTUNITY! A CALL TO ACTION IS UPON US TO SAVE THIS INDUSTRY!

Submit a public comment opposing the new rule. THIS ONLY TAKES A FEW MINUTES!

• Seller “financing” provides housing for millions who otherwise could not qualify for conventional loans.
• Homeowners are not bank officers or mortgage lenders. By requiring them (many if not most of whom who take back a mortgage are elderly) to qualify buyers using bank standards means they will simply refuse to sell with owner financing. Thus millions of people will be deprived of home ownership.
• Why should the buyer be required to divulge their income and assets to the very person with whom they are negotiating the terms of a sale? This is not required when there is a 3rd party lender.
• Requiring the buyer to turn over all their financial information to a stranger opens the door for identification theft and fraud.
• This also creates the opportunity for predatory borrowing. This is where an unscrupulous buyer knowledgeable about the Dodd-Frank Act leads an uninformed seller (and this will be the majority of sellers) into negotiations not in compliance with the ability-to-repay requirements. (An example of that could be a balloon, an interest rate greater than 1.49% above a standard mortgage, or the seller did not know how to calculate the income-to-debt ratio correctly, or know what residual income means). That buyer lives in the property trying to resell it for a profit and if they are not successful within three years they rescind the sale and get all their money back.
• By not allowing them to negotiate a balloon payment, there is a good chance that a seller 55 years or older will die before receiving all their equity. A lot of seniors have invested in real property with the intent of selling it using seller financing (an installment sale) in order to supplement their income in retirement, but also with the hope that they would not be stuck with a 30 year investment. The Dodd-Frank Act does the same thing insurance companies do who sell 30 year annuities to seniors. Our government has criticized this deplorable practice because seniors will die before they receive all their investment.
• The restriction of no balloon doesn’t affect just seniors, it has financial consequences for anyone using seller financing. Under the Dodd-Frank Act community banks are allowed to originate fully amortizing loans with a five year balloon. The rationale is that they hold these loans in their own portfolios and the government recognizes their need to hedge against inflation and rising interest rates. Yet, the Act does not recognize that private property owners who have 100% skin in the game need the same protection. A five year balloon is predatory lending. If there has to be a restriction it should at the very least be the same allowance given to community banks of a balloon in 5 years.
• There are a lot of small builders that have a spec house or two that they can’t sell unless they offer great terms using seller financing. Otherwise they have to let these properties go back to the bank, which does not help housing or the economy.
• It has been said that a seller financing the sale of his or her own property would completely avoid the issue of licensing by retaining the services of a licensed loan originator. If a mortgage loan originator (MLO) fails to properly follow the ability-to-repay guidelines the buyer still has three years in which to rescind the sale which leaves the seller at risk and will most likely bankrupt them.

A sample letter you can use that was developed by National REIA is available online. I suggest you submit this to your Representative and/or Senator in Congress as well as submit as part of the proposed rule comments.

If you have any questions, please call or email our office.

My good friend, Szifra Birke, has written a powerful book that she is literally *giving away.* It’s about how ten people who grew up with alcoholism in the family—and most important how they change their lives.

While I personally did NOT grow up in an alcoholic family – in my 8 years of working with people, I bump into people every day who have every reason to be happy, but they’re not. At work, they feel like frauds waiting to be found out, as parents they want to be better and don’t know how. Their relationships with spouses or even employees aren’t what they want them to be. They just want to be content but can’t find peace of mind.

When I first met Szifra, I knew she had something to share. Szifra has figured out how to do what most people only dream about doing– move past a really tough childhood and have a happy, content life with lots of friends, loving family, work that is satisfying and have a great time, too.

Why would she just give away her book? It turns out there are three excellent reasons.

First, there used to be lots of attention in the media that helped people from high-stress and alcoholic families know they were not alone. She’s on a mission to get the word out again because as she says, “no one has to feel alone, ashamed or isolated. We all have insecurities, fears, self-doubts—and can learn to be more confident, comfortable and be better parents. Recovery and results are in reach—we just need to give people the tools.”

Secondly, she invites us all (without any obligation) to make a token donation to help children of alcoholics–figuring that if she’s willing to give us the book, and we get help from it, we might want to help also. There is no obligation; you get the book first, then have the option to donate if you like. (She’ll give you the website link in her email).

And last, she believes that giving it away for a short time, and putting it in the hands of selected people who will create success with it, is a way to make a difference. I have to agree.

Regardless, it’s a great deal—yes, free— and a great book–take a look:

http://www.TogetherWeHealBook.com

I particularly like how she and her co-author have written such an easy-to-read book; it’s like a novel with ten people sitting in group therapy telling us about themselves. It’s a good read and can you learn more about yourself or someone you love. . And if you enjoy this offer as I did, pass it on to your friends, family, clients– let them score a free valuable book and do some good for charity at the same time.

Here’s the link again: http://www.TogetherWeHealBook.com

Enjoy the book!

Doug

Later she tried out the bungee jump!!!

Are you aware of how the banking system in our country, in fact pretty much all around the world works? I mean how it *really* works? Do you know why $1 in 1913 in now worth like .05? Sound money is important to your very survival and when it’s taken away from you – what are you going to do?

I was reading the book “How (Private) Banking Really Works” on the plane while traveling to a recent event, and the flight attendant and I had a short conversation about the subject. Then several other folks on the flight that happened by joined in the conversation and it occurred to me that people are becoming more and more aware of how important this subject is.

As I finished reading the book, I was thinking that you too MUST become aware of this information and then low and behold – I found out that the authors of the book felt the same way – so much so that they even put a FREE copy of the book on their website!

Go here now and get a pdf copy of their awesome book.

If you like it, please consider supporting their work by purchasing a hard copy or whatever seems right to you.

Enjoy!

Your Success Accelerator,

Doug Ottersberg

How to Be a Great Husband

from wikiHow – The How to Manual That You Can Edit

There is no one-size-fits-all formula for being a wonderful husband. Every wife, every marriage is different. But, there are some common issues that many married couples face, and if you’re dealing with them, the following guidelines will help you become a better husband..

Steps

1. Be romantic. What “being romantic” means varies widely from person to person, but at its core, romance involves doing something to express affection in a meaningful yet unexpected way. A true act of romance requires creativity and sincerity, often inspired by love (either its presence or its possibility).
   • Reintroduce the excitement that characterized the beginning of the relationship. Do something different, something that your wife wouldn’t expect. The more out of the ordinary, the better!
   • Treat your wife like they’re single, like you’re trying to earn her affection and trust. The opposite of being romanced is being taken for granted. No one wants to feel like they’ve already been “caught” and it’s over and done with.
   • There are millions of ways to say “I love you” and “I’m lucky to have you.” Think of the world as your medium. You can write it, say it, sculpt it, look it, hide it, shout it, paint it, kiss it, fold it, grow it, touch it, and express it in unlimited ways.
2. Keep your sex life invigorated. Kiss her goodbye in the morning like you don’t want her to leave. It gives her something to think about all day. Be romantic. Suggest new ideas. Ask what she likes. Be willing to put her pleasure ahead of yours. Talk about it. Let her know it is much more than just sex. Intimacy (emotional and physical closeness) is important to women. Don’t use sex to apologize. Apologize first, then see what happens!
3. Take care of her. Your wife may feel overwhelmed with kids and work. Don’t hesitate to cook her favorite food or make her favorite drink. Help with the kids and help around the house (like doing dishes). Wives aren’t superwomen as much as you’d like them to be.
4. Be honest. In a mature relationship, honesty is the best policy. It may be difficult, but the truth will allow relationships to breathe. No matter what happens, no one can ever challenge the fact that you are truthful, which might mean that the other person also gives you the same respect. If something doesn’t suit them let them know, otherwise they will not trust your opinion. But make it sound like a compliment. Suggest an alternative, and attach praise to the alternative. For example, if they ask you if you like something they are trying on (trying on, not already wearing at a party!) let them know that it might work, but you think the blue one is your favourite so far because it shows off their great (insert a feature you appreciate, preferably not one that they are self-conscious about). It’s not going to be easy to be honest and kind at the same time, so focus on learning how to give a feedback sandwich and you’ll both be better off.
5. Don’t brush your wife off. People often find it exasperating when they get the feeling their partner treats them as an inferior in a relationship. Women are no exception. A lot of people have been taught that the only way to get attention when their partner is trying to ignore them is to act more emotional and be louder until the partner finally surrenders and pays attention to her, even if in annoyance. If people feel they’re being given the cold treatment by people who are supposed to be important to them, they get worried. Especially when it happens without you giving an explanation for why this disturbance has occurred. People aren’t mind readers. Your mate is not likely to be able to guess that you’re cranky just because they wouldn’t let you do something that they felt was very trivial, whereas you found it important. If you know that your mood might lead you to overreact, simply say “I’m feeling really irritated right now. Can we talk about this later after I cool off a bit?” (Don’t forget to follow through and actually give her your time later.)
6. Communicate. Do not talk her ear off, however make sure that if you have any problems that will affect your mood, she is made aware of the reasons for your problems and mood, so that you do not appear to merely be a fickle and cranky creature. Zone out everything around you when you’re talking to her. If you ask her a question, ask because you really want to know. For example, ask her what type of movies she enjoys, or about one of her favourites. If you know it, talk about it a little bit in an honest way, what you thought of it, and make a guess at why she might have liked it. Even if you are wrong, your mate will usually love the fact that you are interested enough to try. Remember, the opposite of talking is not waiting, it’s listening. Make sure you’re actually listening, not just waiting for your turn to talk. Put off a vibe that tells her that she can tell you anything. Make her feel safe.
7. Give gifts as a surprise. Anyone can buy a gift for a birthday, Christmas or an anniversary. Listen to her when you are out window shopping, and if there is something she likes, and it’s within your price range, remember it and surprise her with it when she least expects it, for no reason at all. Or pick something up on your way home from work, and tell her you were thinking of her when you saw it. It doesn’t have to be big or expensive–a book you know she will like, or a CD of her favourite band are nice gestures.
8. Be her greatest supporter. Be someone she knows that she can always count on. Be there for her when she has had a long day. Listen to her with attentive eyes and ears. Back her up “100″ percent! And always protect her, both physically and emotionally. If you have done something to hurt her, even if you didn’t mean to, tell her you are sorry and show her affection. This must be sincere! There’s nothing worse than an “I’m sorry” that is put on or phoney.
9. Understand that your personal relationship should be more important to you than your other family members, work, friends etc. She is your partner in all things. Treat her as such. If you’re worried about looking independent in front of them, then talk with your wife and set clear expectations about what decisions you can make without each other, and what decisions must absolutely be discussed. But also, ask yourself why you feel you should look independent instead of married. It may not be hard to say “Let me talk this over with my other half”.
10. Do your part. Don’t make her ask you to pull your own weight around the house. This makes her feel like a nag, and it creates an adult/child relationship. Which is never good. She is your partner not your mother. Show her she can count on you to get things handled.
11. Don’t show her even the mildest forms of contempt. Contempt is poison in a relationship. You don’t have to act like you like what she said or did, but do not take on an attitude of superiority, even subtly in passing, such as momentary smirking, sighs of disgust or eye-rolling. Such gestures, though seemingly insignificant, deeply show a lack of support, respect and trust, especially over a period of time. The way you naturally act towards her should subtly validate her as a person, even when you do not understand or agree with her. Giving eye contact when she has something important to tell you shows respect; not giving eye contact shows disrespect and that you don’t care about her or what she has to say. This will destroy any attempt to communicate well.
12. Seek responsibility and take responsibility for your actions. The main difference between a man and a boy, and adult and a child, is that men are responsible. Men honor their commitments, accept their duties and are accountable for damages they incur, debts they owe and claims they make. Men clean up after themselves (figuratively and literally). Men know that anyone can father a baby but only a man who understands and accepts responsibility can be a good father. Men refuse to make anyone do anything they themselves are unwilling to do. Sometimes men make sacrifices for the people they love and care about. That’s life. It’s part of growing up, whether you like it or not. The difference between a man and a boy is that a man steps up to the plate, while a boy hesitates or complains.

Tips

• When she’s upset, listen, listen, listen. Resist the urge to offer advice unless she asks for it, and don’t get defensive. Just listen, and show her that you are trying to understand. If she is upset with you, don’t just try to give her a hug like nothing happened. If you approach her like you understand what she is saying, that you will try harder (really mean it), and that it will be alright she will be willing to accept your gesture more easily.
• Don’t try to “fix” everything. Men are fixers, but women don’t want us to fix everything. They sometimes need to do that themselves and just need you to listen.
• Husbands and Wives live together but make sure you spend enough quality time together. This means laughing, talking, just having fun together. Make her see that wherever you are you feel like home when you are with her.
• Praise your wife in public, but if you notice something you’d like to comment on, please find a private moment. Don’t criticize! Make concerns known in a diplomatic positive way. It is VERY important to women about how they look to other people. Do Not make her look like the “bad guy” or that there is something you don’t agree with(even if there is). The appropriate time to discuss those matters is when it is just the two of you, not in front of people when she will be embarrassed. In public make sure everyone around you knows she is your girl! Hold hands whenever possible, kiss, hug, a tap on the butt, etc. To her you are letting everyone know you’re off the market.
• Be aware that she may not perceive love the same way you do. Quality Time, Gifts, Physical Touch, Verbal Affirmation, and Acts of Service are the different “Love Languages” you and your wife might have — make sure you find out what hers is, and speak her “love language”!
• Discuss your financial dreams together and research and plan to achieve them together.
• Tell her what you think, don’t assume she knows. When you think she looks nice, tell her, when you are thinking you are lucky for having her, tell her. She does not assume these thing to be true & needs to be reminded often.

Warnings

• Do not go overboard. A great husband is not an obsessive or smothering one.
• Some women need more attention than others.Some would rather hang out with their friends, While others the husband is their best friend.

Related wikiHows

• How to Be a Great Wife
• How to Massage Your Pregnant Wife
• How to Have a Healthy Relationship
• How to Sweep a Girl off Her Feet
• How to Maintain Romance
• How to Be a Romantic Husband

Another Languages

• If you want to read this wikihow in Spanish click Cómo ser un gran marido

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Be a Great Husband. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.